How NOT To Be A Jerk When Someone Expresses Gratitude Toward You
Have you ever been in one of those awkward moments when someone is saying something positive to you, maybe expressing gratitude to you and you don’t know how to handle it? So you throw your go-to’s in there by saying something like, “Oh, it was nothing” or “Oh, it was no big deal” or “Oh, it wasn’t me, it was somebody else”.
I think in that moment, we come off like something of a jerk because we are diminishing something positive that someone is trying to share with us, something they’ve seen in us.
If sounding like a jerk is not your intention when someone gives you that positive recognition, here’s a technique that helped me years ago to begin to see expressions of gratitude differently. I began to think of those expressions as a gift.
And that changed EVERYTHING!
Thinking of gratitude as a gift honors the giver. It let’s them know that you appreciate the time, energy, thought and sometimes money, they put into their gift. It also helps you avoid the 3D’s of being a jerk when it comes to receiving gratitude.
Using the image of gratitude as a physical gift, image the 3D’s:
1. Denial — An example of denial is when someone says something positive about you and your response is, “Oh, it was nothing.”. In essence, you’re denying their gift, practically pushing it back into their hands.
Instead of denying it, try to simply receive it with saying something like, “Thank you. That was really kind of you to take time out of your busy day and say that.”
2. Diminish — An example of diminish is when someone hands you a gift and you say something along the lines of, “Oh, it really wasn’t a big deal’. (Again, with the image of gratitude being a physical gift) would you ever look at the gift givers gift and not accept it while telling them it was because it’s not a really big gift? No, you wouldn’t. (At least, not since you were 5 would you do that.)
Instead, acknowledge it. Enjoy the moment. Recall that it was a tough journey, and you didn’t think you’d make it at times and it means a lot to you that they recognize the difficulty.
3. Deflect — This one is a little tricky. So often as leaders, when people express gratitude toward us, it’s because yes, we’ve accomplished something, but not just because of our own efforts, but because of people around us. It’s important to include them but not to do so at the expense of denying that you had something to do with it also.
Instead, acknowledge their gift by saying something such as, “Thank you. I am so grateful to be a part of a team that was able to pull this off.” Or, “Thank you. So-n-so (insert name) was a huge part in making this happen and I’m grateful they’re a part of this team.” Don’t deflect. Include them so they know it was part of a team effort.
Finally, when someone expresses gratitude to you, don’t feel as if you have to throw something back at them by saying something like, “Oh wow. Well, I’m so sorry, I didn’t get you anything.” It makes you look cheap and shallow. Let them have their moment to celebrate what they see in you.
